Friday, February 18, 2005

It's mine and it's a favorite

SAC in a Twist Over Housewives Episode
"This is going to set us back a decade," decries Ernest Bagley, president of the Scrotum Awareness Council or SAC. "We've spent years educating people about the importance of the scrotum, and for ABC to air such a detrimental view of what we consider to be the jewel-case of human reproduction - it's like a kick in the groin." Bagley is referring to the November 7 episode of Desperate Housewives in which Bree (played by Marcia Cross) claims to love everything about sex except for the scrotum.

"Why not just say you love everything about a Banana Split but the nuts? It's crazy. I can just picture the producer from ABC saying 'we need to work scrotum into an episode' and so the writers automatically make it a bad thing. Hell, I'd have taken Andy Sipowitz calling someone a 'scrotum-face' on NYPD Blue over this!"

Bagley's concerns stem from an already disadvantaged position in the highly competitive world of "body part awareness" organizations. "The penis people are going to dine out on this for weeks," Bagley moans. "You don't understand how hard it is. Oprah has had the breast people, the lung people, the heart people, even the penis people on her show. But she won't touch the scrotum. She tells us that they've done enough body parts and they want to move away from the more explicit areas due to FCC crackdowns. If you ask me, I'd say it's a severe lack of balls on their part that's caused them to back away ."

SAC was formed in 1972 as an off-shoot of an original 3-member group. A pair fell away from the original member of the then-called Scrotum Knowledge Reaching Out To Everyone or SKROTE. "There were a lot of philosophical differences in which direction we wanted to point this thing and in the end it got pretty hairy," explains Pete Fitzwell, the other charter member of SAC. "Another factor was the 'three is a crowd' problem. We've found that even with two, when things get down and dirty, you can still have one right on top of the other."

"We're bouncing around the idea of suing ABC for defamation to try and recoup some of the lost donations." Bagley isn't shy about calling people and asking them to think about their scrotum and give til it hurts, "It's not an easy sale - to get people to dig deep. We usually call around dinner time and no one wants to hear our dog and pony scrotum show."

"You have to have a pretty thick skin," adds Fitzwell. "And now December's coming and the donations will drop dramatically. It just naturally tightens up when the cold weather hits."

"But we've been in tighter places than this," says Bagley, "and we're gonna hang in there and ride this out. It'll take more than some chick on TV to break us apart."

Courage men....courage.

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