Friday, November 07, 2008

The Frontier Party

Hmmm. I haven't written anything here for quite a while. And then I got to thinking, "What if I kept, like, a journal of my activities espoused by The Frontier Party? You know, don't watch the TV. Don't buy anything advertised on TV. If you see an ad in the newspaper, make sure to not buy that product."

It would be a really interesting use of the Google. Oh and by the way, I deleted all things Google from my webnet console. No Google here.

So off we go or as you see from the comment section, off I go. Who am I talking to? Myself of course. Because the Frontier Party is made up of individuals and we keep journals for the purpose of keeping ourselves on track. So if you're reading this and you're not me, don't feel bad if you are thinking, "This alppuccino seems really lonely and pathetic." Yeah, pathetic like a fox.

Day one, November 7, 2008.

I'll start on the 7th because I was born on the 7th. Frontiersman aren't necessarily numerologists, but keep in mind, when you promise that 95% of all Americans will get a tax cut, 9 and 5 add up to 14 and, in turn, 1 minus 4 equals -3, and -3 is the number for disaster. Cases in point: Godfather -3, Rocky -3 (9 to 5 was not that great of a movie either when you get right down to it.)

And George W being the 43rd president gets him a 7, 4 + 3, and 7 is the lucky number, according to anyone. Obama is 44th, add 'em up and you get 8, the sideways infinity symbol, which is what the next 4 years will most likely resemble. Enough with the numbers already.

Frontiersman (and please ladies, you are Frontiersman as well. Call yourselves Frontierswomen if you like, but the added letters, to me, is like buying a gallon of ice cream and a 4 ounce cartridge of Nestles Quick. You might get about a quart of deliciously chocolatey grainy stirred up goodness but then you're left with 3 quarts of useless vanilla ice cream. ) I'm not sure the analogy works for the Frontierswoman thing, but it certainly works for chips and salsa. Match up the chips and salsa amounts, in the name of Cinco de Mayo! As an aside, fat-free mayo on a blt works better if you first butter the toast vigorously. And as another aside, I'll try to keep the asides to a minimum.

As JD of Protein Wisdom will attest, I need to lose weight. When we played golf together at Purgatory in Noblesville, IN, he kept asking me, "Hey, what's your waist size? Here try my shorts on." Take that any way you like JD, but I took it as a hint.

The Frontier Party facilitates weight-loss inherently. Fox News brags about their viewers to their viewers. Then they brag about their viewers to their advertisers. Their advertisers then put up pictures of steamy omelets and succulent meat-filled delicacies, prepared, most likely by some young loser, who, on a dare, spread the chipotle sauce lovingly with his scrotum Bon appetite! Frontiersman prefer to supervise the preparation of their own food. The youth vote is notorious for pulling pranks on restaurant goers, fyi.

Oh, and The Frontier Party is looking for a list of dirty socialist companies like Starbucks, CORT Furniture (I'll stand thanks), anything with a Times or Tribune or Gazette in the name. There has to be more. The list is for the purpose of not consuming their shit (figuratively in a literal way). Too Lee Harvey? I'm sure it'll even out over time. But until then, Media is the enemy. The government is going to buy digital converters for the people who can't afford them! I suppose it makes sense since they're the ones watching the most TV. What's next, a 300 ohm cable up the bunghole? No thank you! Whoa, exclamation points in 3 of the last 4 sentences! Better take a break.

I'll keep me posted.