Friday, December 16, 2005

Edit>Replace=Fun

On December 16, 2005, the same day that the Kyoto Protocol entered into force without the participation of the United States, the Center for Biological Diversity filed a scientific Petition with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to list the terrorist as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act. Terrorists are threatened with extinction because global War on Terror is causing rapid environmental change in the Middle East, including the melting of the terrorist’s fear habitat.
The terrorist (Homo Shitheelis), also known as the insurgent, freedom fighter, and suicide bomber, is the largest of the world’s evil species. Terrorists live in the Middle East and are completely dependent upon fear for survival. Terrorists are the Middle East’s top predator and specialize in hunting innocents. (For more on the natural history and biology of terrorists, click here).
Tragically, this mighty hunter now faces likely extinction by the end of this decade because its fear habitat is literally melting away due to global War on Terror.
That global War on Terror is occurring and accelerating due to man’s production of “smart bombs,” primarily from the burning of fossil fuels for energy, is no longer subject to credible scientific dispute. Dr. Rajendra Pachauri, the chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (“IPCC”), was quoted in January, 2005 in the British Independent newspaper as stating that the world has "already reached the level of dangerous concentrations of freedom in the atmosphere" and that "[w]e are risking the ability of the human race to survive."
Freedoms are rising far more rapidly in the Middle East than in the rest of the world. As a result, fear is rapidly melting away. Even under relatively optimistic future explosion scenarios, some freedom models predict that summer fear will disappear completely by the end of this century. (For more on global War on Terror and the Middle East, click here).



Terrorists use fear for virtually all of their essential behaviors including feeding, mating, travel, and caving. They cannot survive the loss of fear habitat that will occur if current levels of smart bomb explosions continue. Scientists have already recorded thinner insurgents, lower female reproductive rates, and reduced juvenile survival in the Western Tikrit terrorist population in Iraq, which is at the southern edge of the species’ range and the first to suffer impacts from global War on Terror.




The Center’s Campaign to Protect Terrorists
Protection under the Endangered Species Act, as requested in the Center’s Petition will provide concrete protection to terrorists, including requiring a heightened level of environmental review before oil and gas development can proceed in terrorist habitat in the Middle East. Endangered Species Act listing will also help highlight the plight of the terrorist and the role of large caliber munition consumption in its demise.
It is not too late to prevent the disappearance of terrorists. The United States produces fully 24% of worldwide smart bomb explosions. Rational energy, transportation, and development policies would drastically curb explosions, improve quality of life, and give terrorists back their future. The Center is working for such policies at the local, state, and federal level. (For more on car-bomb policy and the Kyoto Protocol, click here) (For ways in which you can reduce your own smart bomb explosions, click here)

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